Is there a magic fix?

Sunday, unfortunately was another stressful day. We went on a family trip to Fairhaven Lake and the children really tested me. They wouldn't listen, they whined when we wouldn't spend money on them. While we stayed calm and firm with them I have to accept that fundamentally I must be doing something wrong. I've been quite down recently and I can tell it's having an effect on the kids as well as taking it's toll on my patience levels. My children are mostly well behaved and polite but recently everything seems like a battle. Once I'd pushed past the guilt that this acceptance triggered in me I knew I had to do something, so I read a lot of blogs. It was comforting to read other people's experience in dealing with sibling rivalry, "tweenie" behaviour and having 4 year olds that won't listen. I also came across a book called 1-2-3 magic. It's an Americal parenting book and i'm always wary or a) American self-help manuals and b) being overly prescriptive in my parenting but I am desperate and willing to try anything that will help my children. I barely have enough energy to look after myself yet I know that my children are suffering for it. Maybe someone telling me what to do will bypass that uncertainty, that guilt and that feeling of helplessness and frustration. Wow, I do sound crazy don't I? Well I downloaded the book to my kindle. I'll have a read and see what they say and maybe try some of the techniques that fit into my family. Can I take the best bits and leave the rest? Will it work? Is there really a magic fix? Only time will tell.

Tough love?

Ds (darling son) picked this morning, right before the cub football tournament to have yet another tantrum. Oh, I forgot to mention I'm the Akela at one on the local Cub Packs. Anyway, a 9yr old tantrum is a much more dangerous thing than a toddler one as he has the ability to reason and argue back. He'd picked up somebody elses Cub jumper on Monday and refused to wear it. Ds is a sensitive boy, I also suspect he has some compulsive tendancies. Not in a "switch the light on and off 10 times" kind of way but he does get a set idea of how things are supposed to be and if they don't work out like his plans it unsettles him. Is this normal? I have no idea and dh (darling husband) and I are still working out, trial and error style, how to deal with the problem. When he has a melt down he works himself up into a state about the smallest thing. We try to keep calm, reassure him, reason with him but somehow or other it always makes things worse. Then he gets embarrassed because he's been crying and refuses to leave the house. As I HAD to go to football I gave him 2 choices - wear the jumper you have (we'll find your jumper next Monday) or don't come. This sends him off into another melt down "I'll do what ever you want me to do", "alright I'll go... I'll stay...I'll go", "I can't go now, I'm crying and they'll laugh". It is so hard to keep calm after 45 minutes of this over something so small and then I feel terribly guilty about getting cross with him, however 45 mins is a quicker turnaround than last weekends 2 hour bender and there was minimal shouting involved, so success.I'm not sure what I did right this time that cut down the length of it. Maybe because I was on a deadline to get out of the house I refused to enter into negotiations -  2 choices, that's it. If you're not in the jumper when it's time to go I leave without you. The guilt rose as the words left my mouth, sure I was making it worse, denting his fragile self-esteem possibly setting him up for a lifetime of depression. The I had no choice but to ignore him as I had to get myself ready. He sulked and stomped in his room but he had the jumper on when I made to leave. Maybe being tough is the best love you can give.

Oh, the Cubs played brilliantly and we were knocked out in the semi-finals.

ps - N0 housework done today... again.

well begun.......

...is half begun. Well I've begun well many, many times over the years and am not nearly half done!!! I am a 33 yr old stay at home mum - tell a lie I work 2 days a week, term time only, but the rest of the time I'm a full time mum. I married my dh (darling husband) at 22 and had my ds (darling son) at 23 - he's now 9. My dd (darling daughter - can you see a pattern?) is 4. I long to be a well dressed, calm mum, efficiently organised with a clean show home, perfect kids and a great sex life. Well we can't always have what we want can we? The irony is at work I am very organised and calm but at home I can't seem to get it together enough to have tea on the table every night, clean clothes in the drawer (as opposed to on the table I should be putting tea on!) and all my paperwork up to date. So, what am I going to do about it? Blog of course. I am the world's best trier. I will keep trying to be the best mum, wife and person I can be until I die and make no apology for that.

Don't mis-understand me, I don't have low self-esteem about these things; I'm more than capable of laughing at myself. My sister told me yesterday that in my house it's always "Manyana, manyana" (later, later) which is why that's the title of my blog. I'll blog about how I'm trying to improve things, what keeps getting in my way and general everyday life with 2 children, a husband and home. Hopefully, by writing it down I'll see the pattern. I also hope that with your encouragement I'll realise I'm not the only one who struggles at being a housewife, or feels guilty about their parenting skills. So laugh along with me (or at me), I may cry a little bit but I consider this life a journey and i'm pleased you've chosen to share mine with me.

a manana (with the accents in the right place it should be Spanish for "Until tomorrow"